Never a Dull Moment: Our Birdie Christmas Eve Visitor

Disclosure: No birds were hurt during Christmas Eve's episode of craziness.  However, I might need to see if my cardiologist can see me sooner than my scheduled appointment.

I'm still not feeling up to posting regularly after my hospitalization and surgery.  I hope to be back to normal and at full force the first of the year.  I also will STILL be doing the post explaining my health issues and why I was gone for two extended periods of time during the month of December.

That being said, I figured that for Christmas, I'd allow y'all to laugh at me or with me, whichever you would prefer to call it.  This is a totally true story and one of many that seems to happen around here.  Ahh, the joys of Country Living!  I understand this is a bit long, but it made me laugh quite a bit (after the fact, of course), so here it is, in it's hilarious (to me) entirety.

That being said, Merry Christmas and ENJOY.

Christmas Day I'm preparing a feast.  Well, that's not an appropriate description.  I mean, I just escaped (or was released.  One of those potato/potatoh situations) from the hospital three days before Christmas (on Saturday).  I had done VERY little shopping for Christmas gifts for my children due to my overall health this past month (and the prior hospitalization). So, I've been running myself ragged taking care of everything and being the general SuperMom I am (I jest, of course).  So, our very simple dinner Christmas Eve was ravioli.  I got two big cans of Chef Boyardee for the kiddos and the husband (they LOVE that stuff!!) and we were planning a late dinner for them when hubby got home from work, since he'd be getting off early this evening.

I call my hubby and he's en route, so I went to get their dinner going.  Right as I'm doing this my Mom calls to ask me a couple of questions about my daughter's Christmas gift that she had given her earlier in the day (Have you seen the FIJIT Friends Toys? Those are pretty amazing.  They are completely and utterly cute and annoying at the same moment!  When it's on I can't decide whether to be entranced by it or smash it with a hammer! haha).  Luckily, for our visitor that would be here seconds later, Allie, our big ol' dog, decided to go outside when I went in the kitchen.

Right after I go dump the cans in the pot to start warming the lazy Mom dinner up Allie starts barking, alerting us that Dad is now home.  So, Cassie goes to open the door for him, and let him in.  I'm at the stove, on the phone, and I hear hubby come in.  He has to grab a gift that a friend has left here to "hide" from his precocious 4 year old.

Right as he walks in the door good I hear a "squeal" along with my husband say something that sounds an awful lot like, "Did you know there's a bird in the house?"

"Mom...hold on....I gotta figure out what's going on." I say as I round the corner, look in the living room, and say, "What did you say???"

The entire time my daughter is standing on the couch, covering her face awkwardly with her hands, and letting out little "squeals" or "squeaks".  Cassie is staring at the bookshelf, which is directly across the room from the front door, as if it's a serial killer and has her in it's sights.

My husband looks at me and says, "There. Is. A. Bird. In. The. House."

After a moment to process this information I tell my Mom, "Um, I have to go....there's a bird in the house I guess......."

Hubby takes the hidden gift out to our friend and operation "Catch the Birdie" commences.

We secure Cassie in her room where said Birdie cannot come near her.  However, I must confess to something before this story goes any further.  Although while Cassie was in here with us, battling the Birdie Battle of Christmas Eve 2012 I was holding it together, I am secretly kinda (okay, kinda is putting it lightly) scared of birds.  Not scared of them as a phobia where I freak out all the time, but I don't like them (and the feeling has always been mutual in my experience).  We've owned birds (they hated me).  However, I'm an animal lover first and foremost.  I don't want it hurt, I just want it OUT.

I haven't uploaded the photos yet, but it was a baby Killdeer that decided to pay us a visit.  You can find some AMAZING photos of killdeer by visiting Nature's Pics Online! 

Hubby considers himself a bit of a bird whisperer.  He decides that he will walk over to the bookshelf slowly, scoop up the bird in his hand, and release it in to the wild (a.k.a. the front yard it came from).   He got close, almost had it in his hands, and it flew off across the room.  It landed, gripping on the brick facade where the fireplace is.  He starts that way and I say, "No, Let me grab my camera.  I have to get a picture of it!"

As I am getting my camera out of the bag (it happened to be on the bookshelf, right next to where the bird originally landed) hubby is supposed to be watching the bird.  He turns his head briefly......and it disappears.  We are looking EVERYWHERE for this bird.  I'm fearing the worst....Please don't let this poor little birdie have taken up residence in my big (Fake) Christmas Tree!

We spent about five minutes looking and I finally gaze at the top of my China Hutch.  On top of my hutch I have a few things, such as a pitcher/basin that was handed down to me, a decorative pitcher I just really like, a basket that my hubby stuck up there to get out of the way, and this pretty "Candelabra" (I'm not sure what it's called, but that's what I call it). The little birdie is perched on the highest candle holder.  I took my photo and we commenced Operation Release the Birdie.

We spent the next thirty minutes trying to usher this bird out the door.  He was having none of it.  We have 12 foot ceilings, with skylights.  He kept getting in the window sills and, when hubby would startle him, he'd dive bomb at my head.

So, birdie, who I've taken to calling Ninja at this point, took another dive at my head, at which time I screamed and ducked like the bird was a tiny missile. This time it disappeared!  We knew it went down the hall (and of course had not had the foresight to close the hall doors before Operation RTB) where the only doors that were open were the bathroom door and our bedroom door.  Our bathroom is kinda large (two rooms. One with a vanity and one with the toilet and tub).  We took the door down that separates the rooms, so it's like a big open room, but not so big that a bird should really be able to hide in there.

By this time my bladder is screaming for relief.  It just can't handle all the excitement.  However, we have ONE bathroom...and there might be a Ninja Birdie in there. A Ninja Birdie that I am totally terrified of. 

So, I search high and low, all over the bathroom.  The Ninja Birdie is NO WHERE to be found.  I decide that it's safe to relieve myself.  I go to the door and tell my hubby, who is searching in our room, that the bird is NOT in the bathroom, and I'm going to go ahead and use it real quick.  So I shut the door and start walking toward the toilet.  I thought I heard a noise and paused to look around.  There's no hiding places in here, right?  No where the bird can be.  I really have to go at this point so I figure my mind is playing tricks on me and I go towards the toilet again. 

At the moment I start "Dropping Trou", for lack of a better term, I hear it again.  You know that noise that plays on Jaws everytime the shark is about to have another meal and the anticipation that you have knowing it's about to happen?  Not as much fun in real life.  I decide to pull my pants up and evacuate the bathroom (still REALLY needing to go), when it happens.  Ninja dive bombs me again.  I swear, if I didn't know better I'd think he was part of a Bird Terrorist group with me as a target. 

Then said ninja perches on the curtain rod as I'm grabbing my drawers, pulling them up, as I run screaming, "He's in here!!!!!!"

So, I send my husband in and shut the door behind him.  Surely our birdie adventure is almost over.......yeah.....right.....

From the other side of the bathroom door I hear, "He's coming out from under the door!"

What? I'm on the other side of the door!!

A tip of beak pokes out and I scream and jump, which causes ninja birdie to run right back in the bathroom with my husband!

So, I decide I'm going to be smart.  I open our hall closet to get a towel, which will be shoved under the door to prevent escape.  As I am getting the towel hubby alerts me that the birds coming out again.  I turn IMMEDIATELY and he is gone.  Not in the bathroom, not in the hall.  Where did he go????

We look for a good 15 minutes trying to figure where he is.  We assume he must have went under the door, into my room, as we can come up with no other explanation why he got past me so fast.  I lock my husband in the bedroom as I come and google ways to find a bird lost in your house.  On the site I find the first step is to stop screaming (hahahaha....sure).  Then it's to either be completely quiet and listen for the bird or to clap and startle it out of it's hiding spot. 

Here we go!  An answer!  So I jump out of my spot and go to tell him, then decide to turn around and make sure I read it correctly. 

Then it happens......

That noise....

Here's the deer in headlights feeling, that Jaws feeling, all over again.  It's getting louder (as he's getting closer, I'm sure) but I don't see him anywhere.

"Baby......Come here......."

Then he appears out of no where.  Once again aimed at my noggin. 

I scream and run towards my husband, who is on his way to rescue me (a little late for the party there bud!).

This time I have a general idea of where the bird is and an idea.  Let's open the front door and hope this bird wants to be away from us as bad as we want to be away from it.

So, we chase him a bit and he lands on the top of the door.  I tell hubby he better "urge" the bird out of the door.  I need this over. I still have to Pee, as somehow I managed not to pee all over the floor)!

He walks towards the door, ever so slowly.  The Ninja Bird turns and gives me a look (if looks could kill!).  Then flies out the door as if he hasn't made the last hour of our life a living hell.  I run and shut the door.  Then lock all the locks for good measure (just in case he learned how to open doors).



So, now you know the truth.  I'm a total girlie, girl and completely helpless in these situations.

Maybe someday I'll get the nerve to tell you all about our little mouse visitor from a few weeks ago (alas, his fate wasn't as happy as the bird's).  Or the squirrel visitors.

I swear, I'd feel like Snow White if I could sing.  Maybe I should teach them how to use the duster and broom........